


In Love With My Best Friend

by tabbytabbytabby



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Fluff, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, Post-Episode: s03e03 The Searchers, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:21:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27851610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: Buck has a realization about his feelings for Eddie, and has to decide what he wants to do about it.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 36
Kudos: 305





	In Love With My Best Friend

**Author's Note:**

> I started this fic so long ago, back in season three, and there were moments I wondered if it would ever be done. So I'm happy that after over a year of battling with it I've finally been able to finish it.

_"There's nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you."_

The words are still repeating themselves in his head long after Eddie has left. Finding Dory is playing on the TV at Christopher's insistence, but Buck is only half paying attention to it. 

He can't be blamed for being distracted. It's not every day he's hit with the realization that he's in love with his best friend. And boy has it hit him hard. What is he even supposed to do with this information? He can’t just tell Eddie, can he? What if Eddie doesn’t feel the same way, and then things get awkward between them? 

He’s not just risking losing Eddie’s friendship here, but Christopher too. He looks over at Christopher, who is laughing at something that’s happening in the movie. Buck’s lips lift into a smile on instinct. It’s just something that happens when he sees the kid happy. It makes him happy. He doesn’t want to lose that. 

But he can’t just ignore his feelings for Eddie now that he knows they’re there. He’s pretty sure they’ve been there for a while now, he’s just been too oblivious or afraid to acknowledge them.

He does his best to push them down the rest of the day, focusing his attention on Christopher. It’s not hard. They watch movies and play games and probably eat a little too much junk food. But it’s nice. It feels normal. Buck hasn’t felt this level of normal in months it seems like. Not since his leg got crushed and his whole life thrown into a tailspin. And it just seems to keep spinning out. 

He just hopes now it’ll start to settle. He needs it to. They all do. 

Christopher’s asleep on the couch when Eddie shows up the next morning. Buck had meant to bring him upstairs to bed, but he wound up passing out shortly after Christopher had and hadn’t been able to convince his tired body to move. 

He blinks up at Eddie and takes in the soft smile on his lips as he looks down at them. He opens his mouth to speak, but Buck shakes his head. He carefully moves himself out from under Christopher, and makes sure he’s comfortably sleeping, before moving past Eddie towards the stairs. Eddie doesn’t say anything as he follows him up.

“Seems like you two had a wild night,” Eddie teases, leaning against the wall. 

Buck snorts, “Oh yeah. Pizza, junk food, and Disney movies. We’re a pair of party animals.”

“Those are the wildest of parties,” Eddie says. “They take you by surprise.”

Buck laughs, and rubs the back of his neck. He’s nervous suddenly, realizing that he’s now alone with Eddie in his room. His heart beats harder in his chest and he takes a few deep breaths. 

“Buck?” 

Eddie’s closer now, his voice laced with concern. 

Buck looks up and swallows thickly. This is it. All he has to do is open his mouth and say the words. “Thank you.”

“What are you thanking me for?” Eddie asks, clearly confused. To be honest, Buck is too. That hadn’t been what he planned to say. But it feels just as important somehow.

“For letting me look after Chris,” Buck says. “I know you don’t just leave him with anyone. And after what happened…”

"I meant what I said, I trust you."

Buck's face crumples as he sits heavily on his bed, "Why? How can you trust me?"

"Because I know you," Eddie says, sitting next to him. "I know that you love him and you'd do anything to keep him safe. I saw the way you looked when you thought you lost him and how relieved you were when he was found. I was feeling the same way. And even with me there, he wanted you. You're his hero."

"I shouldn't be!" Buck says, running a shaking hand through his hair. "I lost him. I…"

"You can't keep going there," Eddie tells him. "That's only going to eat you up inside. You both survived something traumatic. He needs you, and I know you need him. So just keep being there."

"I'm not going anywhere," Buck says. His eyes drift to the stairs. "That kid is amazing, Eddie. So strong. He's the reason I kept fighting out there."

"He's the reason I keep fighting every day," Eddie says. He covers Buck's hand with his own and squeezes. "If you need someone to talk to about what happened…"

"I can't put you through that," Buck sighs.

"Then talk to someone else," Eddie suggests. "Maddie. Bobby. Anyone. Just know that I'm here. I'm not going anywhere either."

Buck looks at him, taking in the sincerity in his eyes. He'd always heard you can tell how someone is feeling from their eyes. Right now Eddie's eyes are full of something that has his head spinning. Buck wonders if Eddie can see that same feeling reflected back to him.

Eddie must see something in his gaze. He licks his lips and moves in closer. "Buck?"

Buck's heart is hammering inside his chest. 

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

The words keep sounding loudly in his head. He opens his mouth, needing to say them. Needing Eddie to know. 

"Buck?"

Christopher's voice has them both pulling back. Eddie is the first to move. He gets to his feet and heads to the stairs. "We're up here, buddy."

Just like that, the moment is broken.

Buck gets to his feet and wipes his palms on his pants. He hadn’t realized until now how sweaty they’d gotten. Eddie looks back at him, a question in his eyes, and Buck smiles. “We better get down there. He’s gonna need breakfast.”

“I don’t know how either of you could be hungry after all the snacking you no doubt did last night,” Eddie teases as they walk down the stairs.

“It wasn’t that much,” Buck says.

“Oh yeah?” Eddie raises an eyebrow, before turning to where Christopher is waiting. “Did you and Buck snack a lot last night, buddy?”

“Only a little,” Christopher says.

Eddie gasps and picks Christopher up into his arms. “You’ve been corrupted.”

Buck rolls his eyes and moves past him into the kitchen. “We only snacked during movies.”

“Uh huh, and how many movies did you watch?”

Buck shrugs, “One or two.”

“Five,” Christopher says.

“Five movies?” Eddie says. “Man, I wish I’d been here with you guys. That sounds like quite a day.”

He puts Christopher down at the table and joins Buck by the fridge. “You weren’t missing much. It was mostly Disney movies.”

Eddie shrugs, “I’ll always take a Disney movie marathon with my two favorite guys.”

He takes the cereal and bowls Buck hands him and joins Christopher at the table, unaware of the inner turmoil he’s left Buck dealing with. His two favorite guys. Buck’s not sure why he’s surprised. They’re best friends. Eddie’s the person he’s closest to outside of Maddie, and Buck knows it's the same for Eddie. But something about hearing Eddie call him his favorite has his stomach swooping.

“Hey Buck,” Eddie calls. “Can you grab the milk?”

Buck mentally shakes himself from his thoughts and turns to Eddie with a smile. "Got it."

Buck joins them at the table, milk in hand, and tries to ignore the way his stomach swoops at the smile Eddie gives him. 

How had he never noticed before? How could he have been so blind to what he feels for Eddie? And more importantly, now that he knows, what is he supposed to do about it?

His thoughts drift to where they were just minutes before, how they'd been so close that for a moment Buck had thought Eddie was going to kiss him. In that moment, he thought he saw his own feelings reflected back to him. But how can he be sure? How does he know he's not just projecting his own feelings onto Eddie and seeing something that isn't there? 

_You talk to him_. 

Right. Talking. Him and Eddie having a conversation about Buck being in love with him. Easy. 

Except it's not. 

Mostly because they're never alone. Either Christopher is there or they're at work or with their friends. Even when they're alone, Buck still finds himself hesitating, unable to get the words out. It's never the right time. And Buck really needs it to be. This isn't something he can just drop on Eddie out of nowhere. But he needs to say something. Keeping this in is going to drive him crazy.

Tonight. He'll do it tonight when he brings Christopher home after Eddie gets off.

"Okay," he mutters to himself in the mirror. "You can do this. You're just going to walk in there and be like 'Eddie, I love you.' No. That might be too forward. 'Eddie I…' oh god I don't know if I can do this."

"You can do it, Buck."

Buck yelps and spins around. "Christopher. You uh… how long have you been there?"

"Long enough to hear you say you love my dad," Christopher says. 

Buck grimaces. Great. Now he's brought Christopher into this. "I thought you were watching The Little Mermaid."

"It was over," Christopher says. He looks at Buck, who tries not to squirm under his serious gaze. "Are you going to tell him?"

Buck rubs the back of his neck, "I don't know buddy. And I probably shouldn't be talking…"

"You need to tell him," Christopher says. 

"Chris…"

"You _need_ to," Christopher insists. "If you love each other you should be together."

Buck absolutely is not going to ask Christopher about Eddie. He's already said too much as it is. It wouldn't be fair to invade Eddie's privacy or use his kid to get information. 

"We need to get you home," Buck says instead. 

Christopher purses his lips, clearly knowing Buck is trying to get out of the conversation. The kid is far too smart sometimes. But he doesn't argue. He nods and turns away, heading neck towards the kitchen. 

Buck's a little suspicious as he follows after him. Especially when Christopher remains silent as they gather his things and head for Buck’s Jeep. “You ready to go home and see your dad, buddy?” 

Christopher nods from the backseat, “Yeah. Are you?”

Buck feels like this is some sort of trap, and he thinks his response over carefully as he starts the car and puts it into drive. “I’m always happy to see your dad.”

Wait. No. Maybe that was too much. He should have just stuck to yes.

“He’s always happy to see you too,” Christopher replies.

“Because we’re best friends,” Buck says. “And best friends are always happy to see each other.”

“Unless they’re fighting,” Christopher says.

“Uh right,” Buck says. “But your dad and I aren’t fighting.” Buck’s face scrunches in thought. “Are we?”

“No, Buck.” Christopher laughs. “Wouldn’t you know if you were?”

“It’s hard to tell sometimes with adults,” Buck says. “People don’t always talk about things.”

 _You’re one to talk_ , he thinks. 

“Being an adult is weird,” Christopher says.

“You have no idea,” Buck chuckles. “So how about you just stay nine forever, okay?”

“Nine and a half,” Christopher says.

“Right, I’m sorry,” Buck says. “How about you stay _nine and a half_?”

Christopher tilts his head in thought, “I’ll try for you Buck.”

Buck smiles to himself. He really hopes Christopher never loses that sense of innocence as he gets older. 

Buck’s hands tighten on the wheel as Eddie’s house comes into view. His heart speeds up and his palms start to sweat. He’s nervous and he hasn’t even decided if he is going to say anything yet.

“You can do this,” Christopher tells him.

Great. Now Christopher is expecting him to say something. And if he doesn’t… Well kids let things slip sometimes whether they mean to or not. So really, it is better having this come from him than Eddie having to hear it from his kid and wonder just what the hell Buck talks to him about. 

“Alright, let’s get you inside,” Buck says.

He hops out of the jeep, and moves to the back, helping Christopher down. He tries to take his backpack, but Christopher shakes his head. “I’ve got it, Buck.”

“Of course you do, superman,” Buck says. 

He leads the way up to the door, and then stops and turns to Christopher. “Alright, buddy. Why don’t you…?”

“You go in first,” Christopher tells him. 

Buck raises an eyebrow, before shrugging and turning back towards the door. He opens it, like he has so many times before. Except this isn’t like any of those other times. Because Eddie isn’t alone.

Buck stops in the doorway, mouth open in a greeting that stays silent on his lips. Eddie is there, in the kitchen, wrapped up in some woman’s arms. 

He backs out of the house, closing the front door quietly behind him, and moves to the steps. He sinks down onto the top one, his legs almost giving out beneath him. 

He can't breathe. His heart feels like it's breaking apart inside his chest and he _can't breathe_. 

"Buck?" Christopher questions. He's next to him now, looking at him in confusion. "Are you okay? 

Buck's not sure what he saw. What he's even supposed to say. He knows what Christopher wanted him to do but after what he saw….

Buck shakes his head, his words choked with emotion when they finally leave him. "I'm sorry."

He's not sure what he's apologizing for exactly. 

For not being able to bring him inside. For not being enough. For not being the one his dad wants like he'd been hoping. For letting him down. For not even being able to hold himself together long enough to drop him Christopher off and get out of here.

"You have to tell him," Christopher says. "Before it's too late."

"It already is," Buck mumbles. "I'm sorry, Chris."

"No," Christopher protests. "You love each other."

"I might love him but he doesn't love me," Buck sighs. He's fighting really hard to keep it together right now. The last thing he wants to do is cry in front of him. "And that's okay. Sometimes people don’t feel the same way."

"No!' Christopher says, more urgent. "You have to tell him."

The door opens suddenly and the woman walks quickly past. She gives Buck a tight smile on her way by. Eddie must have realized they were here and ended their night. 

Buck gets to his feet, and puts his hands in his pockets. He doesn't look at Eddie. He can't. Not when his heart is breaking and he knows it'll show. 

"I should go," he says. 

"Buck," Christopher urges. "Please."

Buck shakes his head and starts down the steps, each one harder than before, making it harder to breathe. He knows what this means. That by leaving he's letting Eddie go. 

Christopher knows that too. "Buck!"

Buck closes his eyes. Tears are falling now and he can't stop them. He wants to turn back. He wants to take Christopher into his arms and tell him everything is going to be okay. But he can’t. He can’t let either of them see him like this.

“Buck!” 

That’s Eddie’s voice now, calling his name, telling him to stop. Buck does, but he doesn’t turn around. He stands there, shoulders tense as he closes his eyes in an attempt to fight back the tears.

"Is there any reason you're leaving with Christopher that upset?" Eddie asks him. 

Buck still can't look at him. "Please just let me leave." 

His voice is hoarse. Broken. A hand rests on his shoulder and Buck closes his eyes tighter. 

"Buck? What's going on?" When Buck doesn't answer, he shakes him lightly and turns him around. "Damn it, Buck! Just look at me. Please."

Buck's eyes open without his permission, unable to deny Eddie. Eddie gasps, and Buck fights the urge to look away. 

"Buck…"

"Can you please let me go?" Buck pleads. "Before I make even more of a fool of myself."

"I'm just trying to understand," Eddie tells him. 

"He loves you!" Christopher calls from the porch. 

It's Buck's turn to gasp. Except once he takes the air in it's harder to get it out. Everything spins around him. 

Eddie knows. Eddie knows and now he's going to reject him. Now Buck's going to lose him. 

Warm hands are on his cheeks as hazel eyes move to meet his. There isn't anger there, or revulsion. Or any of the things he should be seeing if Eddie was about to let him down.

"Are you with me?" Eddie asks. Buck nods. "Good. Then…" He gives a watery laugh, and it's then that Buck realizes Eddie has tears in his eyes. "I would kiss you right now, but I'm afraid you're going to stop breathing completely."

"You want to kiss me?" Buck questions. 

Eddie smiles, and brushes some of the tears away with his thumbs. "I do."

"But that woman…"

"Is nice, but she's not the one I'm in love with," Eddie says. He leans in, brushing his nose with Buck's. "In case you haven't figured it out yet, it's you. I love you."

"You... but... you weren't on a date?"

"No, Buck, she was just a friend," Eddie says. "She's been helping me work through some issues."

"You know you could have talked to me," Buck tells him. 

"I know but I didn't want to put that on you."

"Because you love me," Buck whispers.

Eddie nods, "I do."

Buck smiles a bit in disbelief, but Eddie looks so sincere. Buck's heart starts racing for another reason now. 

Eddie loves him. He's here and he loves him. 

Buck's smile grows. "I'm breathing pretty good now."

"Is that right?"

"Yeah," Buck says. "But I might need a little mouth to mouth to be sure."

Eddie chuckles, "That is the worst line."

"Eddie?"

"Yeah?"

"Just kiss me already."

Eddie mutters something about him being bossy, but then he's leaning in, kissing Buck softly. Buck brings a hand up to Eddie's neck and pulls him closer, deepening the kiss. 

A cheer from the porch has them pulling back. Christopher is there, grinning happily as he watches them. Eddie laughs and goes to him, scooping him up in his arms. Buck follows. 

"Will you stay?" Christopher asks. 

Buck looks between them and smiles, easily sliding into Eddie's arms when he opens them. "I'm not going anywhere," Buck tells him. He has everything he needs right here.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos/comments make my day 💜  
> [My tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


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